I Know Where The Brain-Dead Go

I’ve known for awhile where at least some of the brain-dead people go: they either run for office in, or go to work for, the city of Detroit. The fact that the Detroit Water and Sewerage Department hires the brain-dead was confirmed today when three, count em, THREE (3) employees of said company came out to – wait for it – turn off the water on three abandoned houses which DID NOT have the water turned on in the first place. They spent about 45 minutes to an hour looking for and opening the access to the shut-off valve to these three abandoned houses.

Now, that’s not the brain-dead part. That’s just the typical screwed up organizational part that can be found at every level of Detroit administration. Here is the brain-dead part: when I strolled over to ask them if they would be turning off the water on two abandoned houses across the street and one further up the road, all three of which have been spewing water for the last 8 months – are ya still with me here? – they said no, it wasn’t called in, and they drove off.

WTF?

Detroit Water and Sewerage pays three folks to turn off water in houses which do not have the water turned on and they completely ignore the houses which are wasting thousands of gallons of the stuff? And, as for the ‘not called in’ remark, I beg to differ. I’ve called several times and you know what, I’ve found that Detroit Water and Sewerage takes the rudest of the brain-dead and puts them on the phone. I’ve actually been hung up on while trying to save these idiots money.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Detroit, love being back here. I’m a seat-of-the-pants kind of guy and Detroit has become a real seat-of-the-pants kind of town. You want something done here, you don’t bother going through the bureaucracy. Try that route and your grandchildren won’t see the results of your efforts. They don’t have red tape in this city, they have red titanium steel coil encased in red concrete. You want something done here, you say fuck the proper channels and do it yourself. It’s the only way anything gets done around here. The problem is, there are some things you can’t do yourself. Unless, of course, you have the proper tools.

Speaking of which, if anyone has a spare top-loader they’d be willing to loan me, there are a few abandoned houses I’d be glad to flatten.